[夜与日].(night.and.day).(英)弗吉尼亚·伍尔芙.文字版-第94章
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imagined。 She was a practical woman; a domestic wife
for an inferior poet; endowed with romantic beauty by
some freak of unintelligent Nature。 No doubt her beauty
itself would not stand examination。 He had the means of
settling this point at least。 He possessed a book of photographs
from the Greek statues; the head of a goddess;
if the lower part were concealed; had often given him
the ecstasy of being in Katharine’s presence。 He took it
down from the shelf and found the picture。 To this he
added a note from her; bidding him meet her at the Zoo。
He had a flower which he had picked at Kew to teach her
botany。 Such were his relics。 He placed them before him;
and set himself to visualize her so clearly that no deception
or delusion was possible。 In a second he could see
her; with the sun slanting across her dress; ing towards
him down the green walk at Kew。 He made her sit
upon the seat beside him。 He heard her voice; so low and
yet so decided in its tone; she spoke reasonably of indifferent
matters。 He could see her faults; and analyze her
virtues。 His pulse became quieter; and his brain increased
in clarity。 This time she could not escape him。 The illusion
of her presence became more and more plete。
They seemed to pass in and out of each other’s minds;
questioning and answering。 The utmost fullness of munion
seemed to be theirs。 Thus united; he felt himself
raised to an eminence; exalted; and filled with a power of
achievement such as he had never known in singleness。
Once more he told over conscientiously her faults; both
of face and character; they were clearly known to him;
but they merged themselves in the flawless union that
was born of their association。 They surveyed life to its
uttermost limits。 How deep it was when looked at from
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this height! How sublime! How the monest things
moved him almost to tears! Thus; he forgot the inevitable
limitations; he forgot her absence; he thought it of
no account whether she married him or another; nothing
mattered; save that she should exist; and that he should
love her。 Some words of these reflections were uttered
aloud; and it happened that among them were the words;
“I love her。” It was the first time that he had used the
word “love” to describe his feeling; madness; romance;
hallucination—he had called it by these names before;
but having; apparently by accident; stumbled upon the
word “love;” he repeated it again and again with a sense
of revelation。
“But I’m in love with you!” he exclaimed; with something
like dismay。 He leant against the windowsill; looking
over the city as she had looked。 Everything had bee
miraculously different and pletely distinct。 His
feelings were justified and needed no further explanation。
But he must impart them to some one; because his
discovery was so important that it concerned other people
too。 Shutting the book of Greek photographs; and hiding
his relics; he ran downstairs; snatched his coat; and passed
out of doors。
The lamps were being lit; but the streets were dark
enough and empty enough to let him walk his fastest;
and to talk aloud as he walked。 He had no doubt where
he was going。 He was going to find Mary Datchet。 The
desire to share what he felt; with some one who understood
it; was so imperious that he did not question it。 He
was soon in her street。 He ran up the stairs leading to her
flat two steps at a time; and it never crossed his mind
that she might not be at home。 As he rang her bell; he
seemed to himself to be announcing the presence of something
wonderful that was separate from himself; and gave
him power and authority over all other people。 Mary came
to the door after a moment’s pause。 He was perfectly
silent; and in the dusk his face looked pletely white。
He followed her into her room。
“Do you know each other?” she said; to his extreme
surprise; for he had counted on finding her alone。 A young
man rose; and said that he knew Ralph by sight。
“We were just going through some papers;” said Mary。
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“Mr。 Bast has to help me; because I don’t know much
about my work yet。 It’s the new society;” she explained。
“I’m the secretary。 I’m no longer at Russell Square。”
The voice in which she gave this information was so
constrained as to sound almost harsh。
“What are your aims?” said Ralph。 He looked neither at
Mary nor at Mr。 Bast。 Mr。 Bast thought he had seldom
seen a more disagreeable or formidable man than
this friend of Mary’s; this sarcasticlooking; whitefaced
Mr。 Denham; who seemed to demand; as if by right; an
account of their proposals; and to criticize them before
he had heard them。 Nevertheless; he explained his projects
as clearly as he could; and knew that he wished Mr。 Denham
to think well of them。
“I see;” said Ralph; when he had done。 “D’you know;
Mary;” he suddenly remarked; “I believe I’m in for a cold。
Have you any quinine?” The look which he cast at her
frightened her; it expressed mutely; perhaps without his
own consciousness; something deep; wild; and passionate。
She left the room at once。 Her heart beat fast at the
knowledge of Ralph’s presence; but it beat with pain;
and with an extraordinary fear。 She stood listening for a
moment to the voices in the next room。
“Of course; I agree with you;” she heard Ralph say; in
this strange voice; to Mr。 Bast。 “But there’s more that
might be done。 Have you seen Judson; for instance? You
should make a point of getting him。”
Mary returned with the quinine。
“Judson’s address?” Mr。 Bast inquired; pulling out
his notebook and preparing to write。 For twenty minutes;
perhaps; he wrote down names; addresses; and other suggestions
that Ralph dictated to him。 Then; when Ralph
fell silent; Mr。 Bast felt that his presence was not
desired; and thanking Ralph for his help; with a sense
that he was very young and ignorant pared with him;
he said goodbye。
“Mary;” said Ralph; directly Mr。 Bast had shut the
door and they were alone together。 “Mary;” he repeated。
But the old difficulty of speaking to Mary without reserve
prevented him from continuing。 His desire to proclaim
his love for Katharine was still strong in him; but he had
felt; directly he saw Mary; that he could not share it with
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her。 The feeling increased as he sat talking to Mr。 Bast。
And yet all the time he was thinking of Katharine; and
marveling at his love。 The tone in which he spoke Mary’s
name was harsh。
“What is it; Ralph?” she asked; startled by his tone。 She
looked at him anxiously; and her little frown showed that
she was trying painfully to understand him; and was
puzzled。 He could feel her groping for his meaning; and
he was annoyed with her; and thought how he had always
found her slow; painstaking; and clumsy。 He had
behaved badly to her; too; which made his irritation the
more acute。 Without waiting for him to answer; she rose
as if his answer were indifferent to her; and began to put
in order some papers that Mr。 Bast had left on the
table。 She hummed a scrap of a tune under her breath;
and moved about the room as if she were occupied in
making things tidy; and had no other concern。
“You’ll stay and dine?” she said casually; returning to
her seat。
“No;” Ralph replied。 She did not press him further。 They
sat side by side without speaking; and Mary reached her
hand for her work basket; and took out her sewing and
threaded a needle。
“That’s a clever young man;” Ralph observed; referring
to Mr。 Bast。
“I’m glad you thought so。 It’s tremendously interesting
work; and considering everything; I think we’ve done very
well。 But I’m inclined to agree with you; we ought to try
to be more conciliatory。 We’re absurdly strict。 It’s difficult
to see that there may be sense in what one’s opponents
say; though they are one’s opponents。 Horace
Bast is certainly too unpromising。 I mustn’t forget
to see that he writes that letter to Judson。 You’re too
b