[夜与日].(night.and.day).(英)弗吉尼亚·伍尔芙.文字版-第82章

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to　see　her　unmasked；　unrestrained；　unconscious　of　her　
duties？　a　creature　of　uncalculating　passion　and　instinctive　
freedom？　No；　he　refused　to　believe　it。　It　was　in　her　
loneliness　that　Katharine　was　unreserved。　“I　went　back　
to　my　room　by　myself　and　I　did—what　I　liked。”　She　had　

said　that　to　him；　and　in　saying　it　had　given　him　a　glimpse　
of　possibilities；　even　of　confidences；　as　if　he　might　be　
the　one　to　share　her　loneliness；　the　mere　hint　of　which　
made　his　heart　beat　faster　and　his　brain　spin。　He　checked　
himself　as　brutally　as　he　could。　He　saw　her　redden；　and　in　
the　irony　of　her　reply　he　heard　her　resentment。　

He　began　slipping　his　smooth；　silver　watch　in　his　pocket；　
in　the　hope　that　somehow　he　might　help　himself　back　to　
that　calm　and　fatalistic　mood　which　had　been　his　when　
he　looked　at　its　face　upon　the　bank　of　the　lake；　for　that　
mood　must；　at　whatever　cost；　be　the　mood　of　his　intercourse　
with　Katharine。　He　had　spoken　of　gratitude　and　
acquiescence　in　the　letter　which　he　had　never　sent；　and　
now　all　the　force　of　his　character　must　make　good　those　
vows　in　her　presence。　

She；　thus　challenged；　tried　meanwhile　to　define　her　
points。　She　wished　to　make　Denham　understand。　

“Don’t　you　see　that　if　you　have　no　relations　with　people　
it’s　easier　to　be　honest　with　them？”　she　inquired。　“That　
is　what　I　meant。　One　needn’t　cajole　them；　one’s　under　no　
obligation　to　them。　Surely　you　must　have　found　with　your　

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own　family　that　it’s　impossible　to　discuss　what　matters　
to　you　most　because　you’re　all　herded　together；　because　
you’re　in　a　conspiracy；　because　the　position　is　false—”　
Her　reasoning　suspended　itself　a　little　inconclusively；　for　
the　subject　was　plex；　and　she　found　herself　in　ignorance　
whether　Denham　had　a　family　or　not。　Denham　was　
agreed　with　her　as　to　the　destructiveness　of　the　family　
system；　but　he　did　not　wish　to　discuss　the　problem　at　
that　moment。　

He　turned　to　a　problem　which　was　of　greater　interest　to　
him。　

“I’m　convinced；”　he　said；　“that　there　are　cases　in　which　
perfect　sincerity　is　possible—cases　where　there’s　no　relationship；　
though　the　people　live　together；　if　you　like；　
where　each　is　free；　where　there’s　no　obligation　upon　either　
side。”　

“For　a　time　perhaps；”　she　agreed；　a　little　despondently。　
“But　obligations　always　grow　up。　There　are　feelings　to　be　
considered。　People　aren’t　simple；　and　though　they　may　
mean　to　be　reasonable；　they　end”—in　the　condition　in　
which　she　found　herself；　she　meant；　but　added　lamely—　

”in　a　muddle。”　

“Because；”　Denham　instantly　intervened；　“they　don’t　
make　themselves　understood　at　the　beginning。　I　could　
undertake；　at　this　instant；”　he　continued；　with　a　reasonable　
intonation　which　did　much　credit　to　his　selfcontrol；　
“to　lay　down　terms　for　a　friendship　which　should　be　perfectly　
sincere　and　perfectly　straightforward。”　

She　was　curious　to　hear　them；　but；　besides　feeling　that　
the　topic　concealed　dangers　better　known　to　her　than　to　
him；　she　was　reminded　by　his　tone　of　his　curious　abstract　
declaration　upon　the　Embankment。　Anything　that　hinted　
at　love　for　the　moment　alarmed　her；　it　was　as　much　an　
infliction　to　her　as　the　rubbing　of　a　skinless　wound。　

But　he　went　on；　without　waiting　for　her　invitation。　

“In　the　first　place；　such　a　friendship　must　be　unemotional；”　
he　laid　it　down　emphatically。　“At　least；　on　both　
sides　it　must　be　understood　that　if　either　chooses　to　fall　
in　love；　he　or　she　does　so　entirely　at　his　own　risk。　Neither　
is　under　any　obligation　to　the　other。　They　must　be　at　
liberty　to　break　or　to　alter　at　any　moment。　They　must　be　
able　to　say　whatever　they　wish　to　say。　All　this　must　be　

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understood。”　

“And　they　gain　something　worth　having？”　she　asked。　

“It’s　a　risk—of　course　it’s　a　risk；”　he　replied。　The　word　

was　one　that　she　had　been　using　frequently　in　her　arguments　
with　herself　of　late。　

“But　it’s　the　only　way—if　you　think　friendship　worth　
having；”　he　concluded。　

“Perhaps　under　those　conditions　it　might　be；”　she　said　
reflectively。　

“Well；”　he　said；　“those　are　the　terms　of　the　friendship　I　
wish　to　offer　you。”　She　had　known　that　this　was　ing；　
but；　none　the　less；　felt　a　little　shock；　half　of　pleasure；　
half　of　reluctance；　when　she　heard　the　formal　statement。　

“I　should　like　it；”　she　began；　“but—”　

“Would　Rodney　mind？”　

“Oh　no；”　she　replied　quickly。　

“No；　no；　it　isn’t　that；”　she　went　on；　and　again　came　to　
an　end。　She　had　been　touched　by　the　unreserved　and　yet　
ceremonious　way　in　which　he　had　made　what　he　called　
his　offer　of　terms；　but　if　he　was　generous　it　was　the　more　
necessary　for　her　to　be　cautious。　They　would　find　them


selves　in　difficulties；　she　speculated；　but；　at　this　point；　
which　was　not　very　far；　after　all；　upon　the　road　of　caution；　
her　foresight　deserted　her。　She　sought　for　some　definite　
catastrophe　into　which　they　must　inevitably　plunge。　
But　she　could　think　of　none。　It　seemed　to　her　that　these　
catastrophes　were　fictitious；　life　went　on　and　on—life　
was　different　altogether　from　what　people　said。　And　not　
only　was　she　at　an　end　of　her　stock　of　caution；　but　it　
seemed　suddenly　altogether　superfluous。　Surely　if　any　one　
could　take　care　of　himself；　Ralph　Denham　could；　he　had　
told　her　that　he　did　not　love　her。　And；　further；　she　meditated；　
walking　on　beneath　the　beechtrees　and　swinging　
her　umbrella；　as　in　her　thought　she　was　accustomed　to　
plete　freedom；　why　should　she　perpetually　apply　so　
different　a　standard　to　her　behavior　in　practice？　Why；　she　
reflected；　should　there　be　this　perpetual　disparity　between　
the　thought　and　the　action；　between　the　life　of　
solitude　and　the　life　of　society；　this　astonishing　precipice　
on　one　side　of　which　the　soul　was　active　and　in　
broad　daylight；　on　the　other　side　of　which　it　was　contemplative　
and　dark　as　night？　Was　it　not　possible　to　step　

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from　one　to　the　other；　erect；　and　without　essential　change？　
Was　this　not　the　chance　he　offered　her—the　rare　and　
wonderful　chance　of　friendship？　At　any　rate；　she　told　
Denham；　with　a　sigh　in　which　he　heard　both　impatience　
and　relief；　that　she　agreed；　she　thought　him　right；　she　
would　accept　his　terms　of　friendship。　

“Now；”　she　said；　“let’s　go　and　have　tea。”　

In　fact；　these　principles　having　been　laid　down；　a　great　
lightness　of　spirit　showed　itself　in　both　of　them。　They　
were　both　convinced　that　something　of　profound　importance　
had　been　settled；　and　could　now　give　their　attention　
to　their　tea　and　the　Gardens。　They　wandered　in　and　
out　of　glasshouses；　saw　lilies　swimming　in　tanks；　breathed　
in　the　scent　of　thousands　of　carnations；　and　pared　
their　respective　tastes　in　the　matter　of　trees　and　lakes。　
While　talking　exclusively　of　what　they　saw；　so　that　any　
one　might　have　overheard　them；　they　felt　that　the　pact　
between　them　was　made　firmer　and　deeper　by　the　
number　of　people　who　passed　them　and　suspected　nothing　
of　the　kind。　The　question　of　Ralph’s　cottage　and　future　
was　not　mentioned　again。　

CHAPTER　XXVI　


Although　the　old　coaches；　with　their　gay　panels　and　the　
guard’s　horn；　and　the　humors　of　the　box　and　the　vicissitudes　
of　the　road；　have　long　moldered　into　dust　so　far　as　
they　were　matter；　and　are　preserved　in　the　printed　pages　
of　our　novelists　so　far　as　they　partook　of　the　spirit；　a　
journey　to　London　by　express　train　can　still　be　a　very　
pleasant　and　romantic　adventure。　Cassandra　Otway；　at　the　
age　of　twentytwo；　could　imagine　few　things　more　pleasant。　
Satiated　with　months　of　green　fields　as　she　was；　the　
first　row　of　artisans’　villas　on　the　outskirts　of　London　
seemed　to　have　something　serious　about　it；　which　positively　
increased　the　importance　of　every　person　in　the　
railway　carriage；　and　even；　to　her　impressionable　mind；　
quickened　the　speed　of　the　train　and　gave　a　note　of　stern　
authority　to　the　shriek　of　the　enginewhistle。　They　were　
bound　for　London；　they　must　have　precedence　of　all　traffic　
not　similarly　destined。　A　different　demeanor　was　necessary　
directly　one　stepped　out　up