[夜与日].(night.and.day).(英)弗吉尼亚·伍尔芙.文字版-第37章

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He　did　not　at　once　seize　the　meaning　of　what　Katharine　
and　her　aunt　were　saying；　William；　he　supposed；　referred　
to　some　small　cousin；　for　he　now　saw　Katharine　as　a　child　
in　a　pinafore；　but；　nevertheless；　he　was　so　much　distracted　
that　his　eye　could　hardly　follow　the　words　on　the　
paper。　A　moment　later　he　heard　them　speak　distinctly　of　
an　engagement　ring。　

“I　like　rubies；”　he　heard　Katharine　say。　

“To　be　imprison’d　in　the　viewless　winds；　

And　blown　with　restless　violence　round　about　

The　pendant　world…　。”　

Mrs。　Cosham　intoned；　at　the　same　instant　“Rodney”　
fitted　itself　to　“William”　in　Ralph’s　mind。　He　felt　convinced　
that　Katharine　was　engaged　to　Rodney。　His　first　
sensation　was　one　of　violent　rage　with　her　for　having　
deceived　him　throughout　the　visit；　fed　him　with　pleasant　
old　wives’　tales；　let　him　see　her　as　a　child　playing　in　a　
meadow；　shared　her　youth　with　him；　while　all　the　time　
she　was　a　stranger　entirely；　and　engaged　to　marry　Rodney。　

But　was　it　possible？　Surely　it　was　not　possible。　For　in　
his　eyes　she　was　still　a　child。　He　paused　so　long　over　the　
book　that　Mrs。　Cosham　had　time　to　look　over　his　shoulder　
and　ask　her　niece：　

“And　have　you　settled　upon　a　house　yet；　Katharine？”　

This　convinced　him　of　the　truth　of　the　monstrous　idea。　
He　looked　up　at　once　and　said：　

“Yes；　it’s　a　difficult　passage。”　

His　voice　had　changed　so　much；　he　spoke　with　such　

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Night　and　Day　

curtness　and　even　with　such　contempt；　that　Mrs。　Cosham　
looked　at　him　fairly　puzzled。　Happily　she　belonged　to　a　
generation　which　expected　uncouthness　in　its　men；　and　
she　merely　felt　convinced　that　this　Mr。　Denham　was　very；　
very　clever。　She　took　back　her　Shakespeare；　as　Denham　
seemed　to　have　no　more　to　say；　and　secreted　it　once　
more　about　her　person　with　the　infinitely　pathetic　resignation　
of　the　old。　

“Katharine’s　engaged　to　William　Rodney；”　she　said；　by　
way　of　filling　in　the　pause；　“a　very　old　friend　of　ours。　He　
has　a　wonderful　knowledge　of　literature；　too—wonderful。”　
She　nodded　her　head　rather　vaguely。　“You　should　
meet　each　other。”　

Denham’s　one　wish　was　to　leave　the　house　as　soon　as　
he　could；　but　the　elderly　ladies　had　risen；　and　were　proposing　
to　visit　Mrs。　Hilbery　in　her　bedroom；　so　that　any　
move　on　his　part　was　impossible。　At　the　same　time；　he　
wished　to　say　something；　but　he　knew　not　what；　to　
Katharine　alone。　She　took　her　aunts　upstairs；　and　returned；　
ing　towards　him　once　more　with　an　air　of　innocence　
and　friendliness　that　amazed　him。　

“My　father　will　be　back；”　she　said。　“Won’t　you　sit　down？”　
and　she　laughed；　as　if　now　they　might　share　a　perfectly　
friendly　laugh　at　the　teaparty。　

But　Ralph　made　no　attempt　to　seat　himself。　

“I　must　congratulate　you；”　he　said。　“It　was　news　to　
me。”　He　saw　her　face　change；　but　only　to　bee　graver　
than　before。　

“My　engagement？”　she　asked。　“Yes；　I　am　going　to　marry　
William　Rodney。”　

Ralph　remained　standing　with　his　hand　on　the　back　of　
a　chair　in　absolute　silence。　Abysses　seemed　to　plunge　
into　darkness　between　them。　He　looked　at　her；　but　her　
face　showed　that　she　was　not　thinking　of　him。　No　regret　
or　consciousness　of　wrong　disturbed　her。　

“Well；　I　must　go；”　he　said　at　length。　

She　seemed　about　to　say　something；　then　changed　her　
mind　and　said　merely：　

“You　will　e　again；　I　hope。　We　always　seem”—she　
hesitated—”to　be　interrupted。”　

He　bowed　and　left　the　room。　

Ralph　strode　with　extreme　swiftness　along　the　Embank


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Virginia　Woolf　

ment。　Every　muscle　was　taut　and　braced　as　if　to　resist　
some　sudden　attack　from　outside。　For　the　moment　it　
seemed　as　if　the　attack　were　about　to　be　directed　against　
his　body；　and　his　brain　thus　was　on　the　alert；　but　without　
understanding。　Finding　himself；　after　a　few　minutes；　no　
longer　under　observation；　and　no　attack　delivered；　he　
slackened　his　pace；　the　pain　spread　all　through　him；　took　
possession　of　every　governing　seat；　and　met　with　scarcely　
any　resistance　from　powers　exhausted　by　their　first　effort　
at　defence。　He　took　his　way　languidly　along　the　river　
embankment；　away　from　home　rather　than　towards　it。　
The　world　had　him　at　its　mercy。　He　made　no　pattern　out　
of　the　sights　he　saw。　He　felt　himself　now；　as　he　had　often　
fancied　other　people；　adrift　on　the　stream；　and　far　removed　
from　control　of　it；　a　man　with　no　grasp　upon　circumstances　
any　longer。　Old　battered　men　loafing　at　the　
doors　of　publichouses　now　seemed　to　be　his　fellows；　and　
he　felt；　as　he　supposed　them　to　feel；　a　mingling　of　envy　
and　hatred　towards　those　who　passed　quickly　and　certainly　
to　a　goal　of　their　own。　They；　too；　saw　things　very　
thin　and　shadowy；　and　were　wafted　about　by　the　lightest　

breath　of　wind。　For　the　substantial　world；　with　its　prospect　
of　avenues　leading　on　and　on　to　the　invisible　distance；　
had　slipped　from　him；　since　Katharine　was　engaged。　
Now　all　his　life　was　visible；　and　the　straight；　meager　
path　had　its　ending　soon　enough。　Katharine　was　engaged；　
and　she　had　deceived　him；　too。　He　felt　for　corners　
of　his　being　untouched　by　his　disaster；　but　there　was　no　
limit　to　the　flood　of　damage；　not　one　of　his　possessions　
was　safe　now。　Katharine　had　deceived　him；　she　had　mixed　
herself　with　every　thought　of　his；　and　reft　of　her　they　
seemed　false　thoughts　which　he　would　blush　to　think　
again。　His　life　seemed　immeasurably　impoverished。　

He　sat　himself　down；　in　spite　of　the　chilly　fog　which　
obscured　the　farther　bank　and　left　its　lights　suspended　
upon　a　blank　surface；　upon　one　of　the　riverside　seats；　
and　let　the　tide　of　disillusionment　sweep　through　him。　
For　the　time　being　all　bright　points　in　his　life　were　blotted　
out；　all　prominences　leveled。　At　first　he　made　himself　
believe　that　Katharine　had　treated　him　badly；　and　drew　
fort　from　the　thought　that；　left　alone；　she　would　recollect　
this；　and　think　of　him　and　tender　him；　in　silence；　

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at　any　rate；　an　apology。　But　this　grain　of　fort　failed　
him　after　a　second　or　two；　for；　upon　reflection；　he　had　to　
admit　that　Katharine　owed　him　nothing。　Katharine　had　
promised　nothing；　taken　nothing；　to　her　his　dreams　had　
meant　nothing。　This；　indeed；　was　the　lowest　pitch　of　his　
despair。　If　the　best　of　one’s　feelings　means　nothing　to　
the　person　most　concerned　in　those　feelings；　what　reality　
is　left　us？　The　old　romance　which　had　warmed　his　
days　for　him；　the　thoughts　of　Katharine　which　had　painted　
every　hour；　were　now　made　to　appear　foolish　and　enfeebled。　
He　rose；　and　looked　into　the　river；　whose　swift　
race　of　duncolored　waters　seemed　the　very　spirit　of　futility　
and　oblivion。　

“In　what　can　one　trust；　then？”　he　thought；　as　he　leant　
there。　So　feeble　and　insubstantial　did　he　feel　himself　that　
he　repeated　the　word　aloud。　

“In　what　can　one　trust？　Not　in　men　and　women。　Not　in　
one’s　dreams　about　them。　There’s　nothing—nothing；　nothing　
left　at　all。”　

Now　Denham　had　reason　to　know　that　he　could　bring　to　
birth　and　keep　alive　a　fine　anger　when　he　chose。　Rodney　

provided　a　good　target　for　that　emotion。　And　yet　at　the　
moment；　Rodney　and　Katharine　herself　seemed　disembodied　
ghosts。　He　could　scarcely　remember　the　look　of　
them。　His　mind　plunged　lower　and　lower。　Their　marriage　
seemed　of　no　importance　to　him。　All　things　had　turned　
to　ghosts；　the　whole　mass　of　the　world　was　insubstantial　
vapor；　surrounding　the　solitary　spark　in　his　mind；　whose　
burning　point　he　could　remember；　for　it　burnt　no　more。　
He　had　once　cherished　a　belief；　and　Katharine　had　embodied　
this　belief；　and　she　did　so　no　longer。　He　did　not　
blame　her；　he　blamed　nothing；　nobody；　he　saw　the　truth。　
He　saw　the　duncolored　race　of　waters　and　the　blank　shore。　
But　life　is　vigorous；　the　body　lives；　and　the　body；　no　
doubt；　dictated　the　reflection；　which　now　urged　him　to　
movement；　that　one　may　cast　away　the　forms　of　human　
beings；　and　yet　retain　the　passion　which　seemed　inseparable　
from　their　existence　in　the　flesh。　Now　this　passion　
burnt　on　his　horizon；　as　the　winter　sun　makes　a　greenish　
pane　in　the　west　through　thinning　clouds。　His　eyes　were　
set　on　something　infini