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第30章

[夜与日].(night.and.day).(英)弗吉尼亚·伍尔芙.文字版-第30章


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about which he had no sort of illusions。 His vision of his 
own future; unlike many such forecasts; could have been 

made public at any moment without a blush; he attributed 
to himself a strong brain; and conferred on himself 
a seat in the House of mons at the age of fifty; a 
moderate fortune; and; with luck; an unimportant office 
in a Liberal Government。 There was nothing extravagant 
in a forecast of that kind; and certainly nothing dishonorable。 
Nevertheless; as his sister guessed; it needed all 
Ralph’s strength of will; together with the pressure of 
circumstances; to keep his feet moving in the path which 
led that way。 It needed; in particular; a constant repetition 
of a phrase to the effect that he shared the mon 
fate; found it best of all; and wished for no other; and by 
repeating such phrases he acquired punctuality and habits 
of work; and could very plausibly demonstrate that to 
be a clerk in a solicitor’s office was the best of all possible 
lives; and that other ambitions were vain。 

But; like all beliefs not genuinely held; this one depended 
very much upon the amount of acceptance it received 
from other people; and in private; when the pressure 
of public opinion was removed; Ralph let himself 
swing very rapidly away from his actual circumstances 

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Virginia Woolf 

upon strange voyages which; indeed; he would have been 
ashamed to describe。 In these dreams; of course; he figured 
in noble and romantic parts; but selfglorification 
was not the only motive of them。 They gave outlet to 
some spirit which found no work to do in real life; for; 
with the pessimism which his lot forced upon him; Ralph 
had made up his mind that there was no use for what; 
contemptuously enough; he called dreams; in the world 
which we inhabit。 It sometimes seemed to him that this 
spirit was the most valuable possession he had; he thought 
that by means of it he could set flowering waste tracts of 
the earth; cure many ills; or raise up beauty where none 
now existed; it was; too; a fierce and potent spirit which 
would devour the dusty books and parchments on the 
office wall with one lick of its tongue; and leave him in a 
minute standing in nakedness; if he gave way to it。 His 
endeavor; for many years; had been to control the spirit; 
and at the age of twentynine he thought he could pride 
himself upon a life rigidly divided into the hours of work 
and those of dreams; the two lived side by side without 
harming each other。 As a matter of fact; this effort at 

discipline had been helped by the interests of a difficult 
profession; but the old conclusion to which Ralph had 
e when he left college still held sway in his mind; 
and tinged his views with the melancholy belief that life 
for most people pels the exercise of the lower gifts 
and wastes the precious ones; until it forces us to agree 
that there is little virtue; as well as little profit; in what 
once seemed to us the noblest part of our inheritance。 

Denham was not altogether popular either in his office 
or among his family。 He was too positive; at this stage of 
his career; as to what was right and what wrong; too 
proud of his selfcontrol; and; as is natural in the case of 
persons not altogether happy or well suited in their conditions; 
too apt to prove the folly of contentment; if he 
found any one who confessed to that weakness。 In the 
office his rather ostentatious efficiency annoyed those 
who took their own work more lightly; and; if they foretold 
his advancement; it was not altogether sympathetically。 
Indeed; he appeared to be rather a hard and self
sufficient young man; with a queer temper; and manners 
that were unpromisingly abrupt; who was consumed 

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Night and Day 

with a desire to get on in the world; which was natural; 
these critics thought; in a man of no means; but not 
engaging。 

The young men in the office had a perfect right to these 
opinions; because Denham showed no particular desire 
for their friendship。 He liked them well enough; but shut 
them up in that partment of life which was devoted 
to work。 Hitherto; indeed; he had found little difficulty 
in arranging his life as methodically as he arranged his 
expenditure; but about this time he began to encounter 
experiences which were not so easy to classify。 Mary 
Datchet had begun this confusion two years ago by bursting 
into laughter at some remark of his; almost the first 
time they met。 She could not explain why it was。 She 
thought him quite astonishingly odd。 When he knew her 
well enough to tell her how he spent Monday and Wednesday 
and Saturday; she was still more amused; she laughed 
till he laughed; too; without knowing why。 It seemed to 
her very odd that he should know as much about breeding 
bulldogs as any man in England; that he had a collection 
of wild flowers found near London; and his weekly 

visit to old Miss Trotter at Ealing; who was an authority 
upon the science of Heraldry; never failed to excite her 
laughter。 She wanted to know everything; even the kind of 
cake which the old lady supplied on these occasions; and 
their summer excursions to churches in the neighborhood 
of London for the purpose of taking rubbings of the brasses 
became most important festivals; from the interest she 
took in them。 In six months she knew more about his odd 
friends and hobbies than his own brothers and sisters knew; 
after living with him all his life; and Ralph found this very 
pleasant; though disordering; for his own view of himself 
had always been profoundly serious。 

Certainly it was very pleasant to be with Mary Datchet 
and to bee; directly the door was shut; quite a different 
sort of person; eccentric and lovable; with scarcely any 
likeness to the self most people knew。 He became less 
serious; and rather less dictatorial at home; for he was apt 
to hear Mary laughing at him; and telling him; as she was 
fond of doing; that he knew nothing at all about anything。 
She made him; also; take an interest in public questions; 
for which she had a natural liking; and was in process of 

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Virginia Woolf 

turning him from Tory to Radical; after a course of public 
meetings; which began by boring him acutely; and ended 
by exciting him even more than they excited her。 

But he was reserved; when ideas started up in his mind; 
he divided them automatically into those he could discuss 
with Mary; and those he must keep for himself。 She 
knew this and it interested her; for she was accustomed 
to find young men very ready to talk about themselves; 
and had e to listen to them as one listens to children; 
without any thought of herself。 But with Ralph; she 
had very little of this maternal feeling; and; in consequence; 
a much keener sense of her own individuality。 

Late one afternoon Ralph stepped along the Strand to 
an interview with a lawyer upon business。 The afternoon 
light was almost over; and already streams of greenish 
and yellowish artificial light were being poured into an 
atmosphere which; in country lanes; would now have been 
soft with the smoke of wood fires; and on both sides of 
the road the shop windows were full of sparkling chains 
and highly polished leather cases; which stood upon 
shelves made of thick plateglass。 None of these differ


ent objects was seen separately by Denham; but from all 
of them he drew an impression of stir and cheerfulness。 
Thus it came about that he saw Katharine Hilbery ing 
towards him; and looked straight at her; as if she were 
only an illustration of the argument that was going forward 
in his mind。 In this spirit he noticed the rather set 
expression in her eyes; and the slight; halfconscious 
movement of her lips; which; together with her height 
and the distinction of her dress; made her look as if the 
scurrying crowd impeded her; and her direction were different 
from theirs。 He noticed this calmly; but suddenly; 
as he passed her; his hands and knees began to tremble; 
and his heart beat painfully。 She did not see him; and 
went on repeating to herself some lines which had stuck 
to her memory: “It’s life

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