[夜与日].(night.and.day).(英)弗吉尼亚·伍尔芙.文字版-第115章
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absence;” he said; and left the room; Mr。 Hilbery giving
his assent by a slight nod of the head。
Meanwhile; in the diningroom next door; Denham and
Katharine were once more seated at the mahogany table。
They seemed to be continuing a conversation broken off
in the middle; as if each remembered the precise point at
which they had been interrupted; and was eager to go on
as quickly as possible。 Katharine; having interposed a
short account of the interview with her father; Denham
made no ment; but said:
“Anyhow; there’s no reason why we shouldn’t see each
other。”
“Or stay together。 It’s only marriage that’s out of the
question;” Katharine replied。
“But if I find myself ing to want you more and
more?”
“If our lapses e more and more often?”
He sighed impatiently; and said nothing for a moment。
“But at least;” he renewed; “we’ve established the fact
that my lapses are still in some odd way connected with
you; yours have nothing to do with me。 Katharine;” he
added; his assumption of reason broken up by his agitation;
“I assure you that we are in love—what other people
call love。 Remember that night。 We had no doubts whatever
then。 We were absolutely happy for half an hour。 You
had no lapse until the day after; I had no lapse until yesterday
morning。 We’ve been happy at intervals all day until
I—went off my head; and you; quite naturally; were bored。”
“Ah;” she exclaimed; as if the subject chafed her; “I can’t
make you understand。 It’s not boredom—I’m never bored。
Reality—reality;” she ejaculated; tapping her finger upon
the table as if to emphasize and perhaps explain her isolated
utterance of this word。 “I cease to be real to you。 It’s
the faces in a storm again—the vision in a hurricane。 We
e together for a moment and we part。 It’s my fault;
too。 I’m as bad as you are—worse; perhaps。”
They were trying to explain; not for the first time; as
their weary gestures and frequent interruptions showed;
what in their mon language they had christened their
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“lapses”; a constant source of distress to them; in the
past few days; and the immediate reason why Ralph was
on his way to leave the house when Katharine; listening
anxiously; heard him and prevented him。 What was the
cause of these lapses? Either because Katharine looked
more beautiful; or more strange; because she wore something
different; or said something unexpected; Ralph’s
sense of her romance welled up and overcame him either
into silence or into inarticulate expressions; which
Katharine; with unintentional but invariable perversity;
interrupted or contradicted with some severity or assertion
of prosaic fact。 Then the vision disappeared; and
Ralph expressed vehemently in his turn the conviction
that he only loved her shadow and cared nothing for her
reality。 If the lapse was on her side it took the form of
gradual detachment until she became pletely absorbed
in her own thoughts; which carried her away with such
intensity that she sharply resented any recall to her
panion’s side。 It was useless to assert that these
trances were always originated by Ralph himself; however
little in their later stages they had to do with him。
The fact remained that she had no need of him and was
very loath to be reminded of him。 How; then; could they
be in love? The fragmentary nature of their relationship
was but too apparent。
Thus they sat depressed to silence at the diningroom
table; oblivious of everything; while Rodney paced the
drawingroom overhead in such agitation and exaltation
of mind as he had never conceived possible; and Cassandra
remained alone with her uncle。 Ralph; at length; rose
and walked gloomily to the window。 He pressed close to
the pane。 Outside were truth and freedom and the immensity
only to be apprehended by the mind in loneliness;
and never municated to another。 What worse
sacrilege was there than to attempt to violate what he
perceived by seeking to impart it? Some movement behind
him made him reflect that Katharine had the power;
if she chose; to be in person what he dreamed of her
spirit。 He turned sharply to implore her help; when again
he was struck cold by her look of distance; her expression
of intentness upon some far object。 As if conscious of his
look upon her she rose and came to him; standing close
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by his side; and looking with him out into the dusky
atmosphere。 Their physical closeness was to him a bitter
enough ment upon the distance between their minds。
Yet distant as she was; her presence by his side transformed
the world。 He saw himself performing wonderful
deeds of courage; saving the drowning; rescuing the forlorn。
Impatient with this form of egotism; he could not
shake off the conviction that somehow life was wonderful;
romantic; a master worth serving so long as she stood
there。 He had no wish that she should speak; he did not
look at her or touch her; she was apparently deep in her
own thoughts and oblivious of his presence。
The door opened without their hearing the sound。 Mr。
Hilbery looked round the room; and for a moment failed
to discover the two figures in the window。 He started
with displeasure when he saw them; and observed them
keenly before he appeared able to make up his mind to
say anything。 He made a movement finally that warned
them of his presence; they turned instantly。 Without speaking;
he beckoned to Katharine to e to him; and; keeping
his eyes from the region of the room where Denham
stood; he shepherded her in front of him back to the
study。 When Katharine was inside the room he shut the
study door carefully behind him as if to secure himself
from something that he disliked。
“Now; Katharine;” he said; taking up his stand in front
of the fire; “you will; perhaps; have the kindness to explain—”
She remained silent。 “What inferences do you
expect me to draw?” he said sharply… 。 “You tell me that
you are not engaged to Rodney; I see you on what appear
to be extremely intimate terms with another—with
Ralph Denham。 What am I to conclude? Are you;” he added;
as she still said nothing; “engaged to Ralph Denham?”
“No;” she replied。
His sense of relief was great; he had been certain that
her answer would have confirmed his suspicions; but that
anxiety being set at rest; he was the more conscious of
annoyance with her for her behavior。
“Then all I can say is that you’ve very strange ideas of
the proper way to behave… 。 People have drawn certain
conclusions; nor am I surprised… 。 The more I think of it
the more inexplicable I find it;” he went on; his anger
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rising as he spoke。 “Why am I left in ignorance of what is
going on in my own house? Why am I left to hear of these
events for the first time from my sister? Most disagree
able—most upsetting。 How I’m to explain to your Uncle
Francis—but I wash my hands of it。 Cassandra goes tomorrow。
I forbid Rodney the house。 As for the other young
man; the sooner he makes himself scarce the better。 After
placing the most implicit trust in you; Katharine—”
He broke off; disquieted by the ominous silence with which
his words were received; and looked at his daughter with
the curious doubt as to her state of mind which he had
felt before; for the first time; this evening。 He perceived
once more that she was not attending to what he said;
but was listening; and for a moment he; too; listened for
sounds outside the room。 His certainty that there was
some understanding between Denham and Katharine returned;
but with a most unpleasant suspicion that there
was something illicit about it; as the whole position between
the young people seemed to him gravely illicit。
“I’ll speak to Denham;” he said; on the impulse of his
suspicion; moving as if to go。
“I shall e with you;” Katharine said instantly; starting
forward。
“You will stay here;” said her father。
“What are you going to say to him?” she asked。
“I suppose I may