高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain-第20章

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　　The　listening　buildings；　rising　upward　yet；　leaned；　closing　out　the　sky。　John’s　feet　began　toslip；　tears　and　sweat　were　in　his　eyes；　still　moving　backward　before　his　father；　he　looked　about　himfor　deliverance；　but　there　was　no　deliverance　in　this　street　for　him。
　　‘And　I　hate　you。　I　hate　you。　I　don’t　care　about　your　golden　crown。　I　don’t　care　about　yourlong　white　robe。　I　seen　you　under　the　robe；　I　seen　you！’
　　Then　his　father　was　upon　him；　at　his　touch　there　was　singing；　and　fire。　John　lay　on　his　backin　the　narrow　street；　looking　up　at　his　father；　that　burning　face　beneath　the　burning　towers。
　　‘I’m　going　to　beat　it　out　of　you。　I’m　going　to　beat　it　out。’
　　His　father　raised　his　hand。　The　knife　came　down。　John　rolled　away；　down　the　white；descending　street；　screaming：
　　Father！　Father！
　　These　were　the　first　words　he　uttered。　In　a　moment　there　was　silence；　and　his　father　wasgone。　Again；　he　felt　the　saints　above　him—and　dust　in　his　mouth。　There　was　singing　somewhere；faraway；abovehim；singingslowandmourn（was）　ful。　He　lay　silent；　racked　beyondendurance；　salt　drying　on　his　face；　with　nothing　in　him　any　more；　no　lust；　no　fear；　no　shame；　nohope。　And　yet　he　knew　that　it　would　e　again—the　darkness　was　full　of　demons　crouching；waiting　to　worry　him　with　their　teeth　again。
　　Then　I　looked　in　the　grave　and　I　wondered。
　　Ah；　down！—what　was　he　searching　here；　all　alone　in　darkness？　But　now　he　knew；　for　ironyhad　left　him；　that　he　was　searching　something；　hidden　in　the　darkness；　that　must　be　found。　Hewould　die　if　it　was　not　found；　or；　he　was　dead　already；　and　would　never　again　be　joined　to　theliving；　if　it　was　not　found。
　　And　the　grave　looked　so　sad　and　lonesome。
　　In　the　grave　where　he　now　wandered—he　knew　it　was　the　grave；　it　was　so　cold　and　silent；and　he　moved　in　icy　mist—he　found　his　mother　and　his　father；　his　mother　dressed　in　scarlet；　hisfather　dressed　in　white。　They　did　not　see　him：　they　looked　backward；　over　their　shoulders；　at　acloud　of　witnesses。　And　there　was　his　Aunt　Florence；　gold　and　silver　flashing　on　her　fingers；brazen　ear…rings　dangling　from　her　ears；　and　there　was　another　woman；　whom　he　took　to　be　thatwife　of　his　father’s；　called　Deborah—who　had；　as　he　had　once　believed；　so　much　to　tell　him。　Butshe；　alone；　of　all　that　pany；　looked　at　him　and　signified　that　there　was　no　speech　in　the　grave。
　　He　was　a　stranger　there—they　did　not　see　him　pass；　they　did　not　know　what　he　was　looking　for；they　could　not　help　him　search。　He　wanted　to　find　Elisha；　who　knew；　perhaps；　who　would　help　him—but　Elisha　was　not　there。　There　was　Roy：　Roy　also　might　have　helped　him；　but　he　had　beenstabbed　with　a　knife；　and　lay　now；　brown　and　silent；　at　his　father’s　feet。
　　　Then　there　began　to　flood　John’s　soul　the　waters　of　despair。　Love　is　as　strong　as　death；　asdeep　as　the　grave。　But　love；　which　had；　perhaps；　like　a　benevolent　monarch；　swelled　thepopulation　of　his　neighboring　kingdom；　Death；　had　not　himself　descended：　they　owed　him　noallegiance　here。　Here　there　was　no　speech　or　language；　and　there　was　no　love；　no　one　to　say：　Youare　beautiful；　John；　no　one　to　forgive　him；　no　matter　what　his　sin；　no　one　to　heal　him；　and　lift　himup。　No　one：　father　and　mother　looked　backward；　Roy　was　bloody；　Elisha　was　not　here。
　　Then　the　darkness　began　to　murmur—a　terrible　sound—and　John’s　ears　trembled。　In　thismurmur　that　filled　the　grave；　like　a　thousand　wings　beating　on　the　air；　he　recognized　a　sound　thathe　had　always　heard。　He　began；　for　terror；　to　weep　and　moan—and　this　sound　was　swallowed　up；and　yet　was　magnified　by　the　echoes　that　filled　the　darkness。
　　This　sound　had　filled　John’s　life；　so　it　now　seemed；　from　the　moment　he　had　first　drawnbreath。　He　had　heard　it　everywhere；　in　prayer　and　in　daily　speech；　and　wherever　the　saints　weregathered；　and　in　the　unbelieving　streets。　It　was　in　his　father’s　anger；　and　in　his　mother’s　calminsistence；　and　in　the　vehement　mockery　of　his　aunt；　it　had　rung；　so　oddly；　in　Roy’s　voice　thisafternoon；　and　when　Elisha　played　the　piano　it　was　there；　it　was　in　the　beat　and　jangle　of　SisterMcCandless’s　tambourine；　it　was　in　the　very　cadence　of　her　testimony；　and　invested　that　testimonywith　a　matchless；　unimpeachable　authority。　Yes；　he　had　heard　it　all　his　life；　but　it　was　only　nowthat　his　ears　were　open　to　this　sound　that　came　from　darkness；　that　could　only　e　from　darkness；that　yet　bore　such　sure　witness　to　the　glory　of　the　light。　And　now　in　this　moaning；　and　so　far　fromany　help；　he　heard　it　in　himself—it　rose　from　his　bleeding；　his　cracked　open　heart。　It　was　a　soundof　rage　and　weeping　which　filled　the　grave；　rage　and　weeping　from　time　set　free；　but　bound　now　iernity；　rage　that　had　no　language；　weeping　with　no　voice—which　yet　spoke　now；　to　John’sstartled　soul；　of　boundless　melancholy；　of　the　bitterest　patience；　and　the　longest　night；　of　thedeepest　water；　the　strongest　chains；　the　most　cruel　lash；　of　humility　most　wretched；　the　dungeonmost　absolute；　of　love’s　bed　defiled；　and　birth　dishonored；　and　most　bloody；　unspeakable；　suddendeath。　Yes；　the　darkness　hummed　with　murder：　the　body　in　the　water；　the　body　in　the　fire；　the　bodyon　the　tree。　John　looked　down　the　line　of　these　armies　of　darkness；　army　upon　army；　and　his　soulwhispered：　Who　are　these？　Who　are　they？　And　wondered：　Where　shall　I　go？
　　There　was　no　answer。　There　was　no　help　or　healing　in　the　grave；　no　answer　in　the　darkness；no　speech　from　all　that　pany。　They　looked　backward。　And　John　looked　back；　seeing　nodeliverance。
　　I；　John　saw　the　future；　way　up　in　the　middle　of　the　air。
　　Were　the　lash；　the　dungeon；　and　the　night　for　him？　And　the　sea　for　him？　And　the　grave　forhim？
　　I；　John　saw　a　number；　way　in　the　middle　of　the　air。
　　And　he　struggled　to　flee—out　of　this　darkness；　out　of　this　pany—into　the　land　of　theliving；　so　high；　so　far　away。　Fear　was　upon　him；　a　more　deadly　fear　than　he　had　ever　known；　as　heturned　and　turned　in　the　darkness；　as　he　moaned；　and　stumbled；　and　crawled　through　darkness；finding　no　hand；　no　voice；　finding　no　door。　Who　are　these？　Who　are　they？　They　were　the　despisedand　rejected；　the　wretched　and　the　spat　upon；　the　earth’s　offscouring；　and　he　was　in　their　pany；and　they　would　swallow　up　his　soul。　The　stripes　they　had　endured　would　scar　his　back；　their　punishment　would　be　his；　their　portion　his；　his　their　humiliation；　anguish；　chains；　their　dungeonhis；　their　death　his。　Thrice　was　I　beaten　with　rods；　once　I　was　stoned；　thrice　I　suffered　shipwreck；　anight　and　a　day　I　have　been　in　the　deep。
　　And　their　dread　testimony　would　be　his！
　　In　journeying　often；　in　perils　of　waters；　inn　perils　of　robbers；　in　perils　by　mine　owncountrymen；　in　perils　by　the　heathen；　in　perils　in　the　city；　in　perils　in　the　wilderness；　in　perils　inthe　sea；　in　perils　among　false　brethren。
　　And　their　desolation；　his：
　　In　weariness　and　painfulness；　in　watching　often；　in　hunger　and　thirst；　in　fasting　often；　incold　and　nakedness。
　　And　he　began　to　shout　for　help；　seeing　before　him　the　lash；　the　fire；　and　the　depthlesswater；　seeing　his　head　bowed　down　for　ever；　he；　John；　the　lowest　among　these　lowly。　And　helooked　for　his　mother；　but　her　eyes　were　fixed　on　this　dark　army—she　was　claimed　by　this　army。
　　And　his　father　would　not　help　him；　his　father　did　not　see　him；　and　Roy　lay　dead。
　　Then　he　whispered；　not　knowing　that　he　whispered：　‘Oh；　Lord；　have　mercy　on　me。　Havemercy　on　me。’
　　And　a　voice；　for　the　first　time　in　all　his　terrible　journey；　spoke　to　John；　through　he　rage　andweeping；　and　fire；　and　darkness；　and　flood：
　　‘Yes；’　said　the　voice；　‘go　through。　Go　through。’
　　‘Lift　me　up；’　whispered　John；　‘lift　me　up。　I　can’t　go　through。’
　　‘Go　through；’　said　the　voice；　‘go　through。’
　　Then　there　was　silence。　The　murmuring　ceased。　There　was　only　this　trebling　beneath　him。
　　And　he　knew　there　was　a　light　somewhere。
　　‘Go　through。’
　　‘Ask　Him　to　take　you　through。’
　　But　he　could　never　go　through　this　darkness；　through　this　fire　and　this　wrath。　He　nevercould　go　through。　His　strength　was　finished；　and　he　could　not　move。　He　belonged　to　the　darkness—the　darkness　from　which　he　had　thought　to　flee　had　claimed　him。　And　he　moaned　again；weeping；　and　lifted　up　his　hands。