高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain-第13章

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ut　Gabriel　was　a　man；　he　would　goout　one　day　into　the　world　to　do　a　man’s　work；　and　he　needed；　therefore；　meat；　when　there　was　anyin　the　house；　and　clothes；　whenever　clothes　could　be　bought；　and　the　strong　indulgence　of　hiswomenfolk；　so　that　he　would　know　how　to　be　with　women　when　he　had　a　wife。　And　he　needed　theeducation　that　Florence　desired　far　more　than　he；　and　that　she　might　have　got　if　he　had　not　beenborn。　It　was　Gabriel　who　was　slapped　and　scrubbed　each　morning　and　sent　off　to　the　one…roomschoolhouse—which　he　hated；　and　where　he　managed　to　learn；　so　far　as　Florence　could　discover；almost　nothing　at　all。　And　often　he　was　not　at　school；　but　getting　into　mischief　with　other　boys。
　　Almost　all　of　their　neighbors；　and　even　some　of　the　white　folks；　came　at　one　time　or　another　toplain　of　Gabriel’s　wrongdoing。　Their　mother　would　walk　out　into　the　yard　and　cut　a　switchfrom　a　tree　and　beat　him—beat　him；　it　seemed　to　Florence；　until　any　other　boy　would　have　fallendown　dead；　and　so　often　that　any　other　boy　would　have　ceased　his　wickedness。　Nothing　stoppedGabriel；　though　he　made　Heaven　roar　with　his　howling；　though　he　screamed　aloud；　as　his　motherapproached；　that　he　would　never　be　such　a　bad　boy　again。　And；　after　the　beating；　his　pants　still　down　around　his　knees　and　his　face　wet　with　tears　and　mucus；　Gabriel　was　made　to　kneel　downwhile　his　mother　prayed。　She　asked　Florence　to　pray；　too；　but　in　her　heart　Florence　never　prayed。
　　She　hoped　that　Gabriel　would　break　his　neck。　She　wanted　the　evil　against　which　their　motherprayed　to　overtake　him　one　day。
　　In　those　days　Florence　and　Deborah；　who　had　e　close　friend　after　Deborah’s　‘accident；’
　　hated　all　men。　When　men　looked　at　Deborah　they　saw　no　father　that　her　unlovely　and　violatedbody。　In　their　eyes　lived　perpetually　a　lewd；　uneasy　wonder　concerning　the　night　she　had　beentaken　in　the　fields。　That　night　had　robbed　her　of　the　right　to　be　considered　a　woman。　No　manwould　approach　her　in　honor　because　she　was　a　living　reproach；　to　herself　and　to　all　black　womenand　to　all　black　men。　If　she　had　been　beautiful；　and　if　God　had　not　given　her　a　spirit　so　demure；　shemight；　with　ironic　gusto；　have　acted　out　that　rape　in　the　field　for　ever。　Since　she　could　not　beconsidered　a　woman；　she　could　only　be　looked　on　as　a　harlot；　a　source　of　delight　more　bestial　andmysteries　more　shaking　than　any　a　proper　woman　could　provide。　Lust　stirred　in　the　eyes　of　menwhen　they　look　at　Deborah；　lust　that　could　not　be　endured　because　it　was　so　impersonal；　limitingmunion　to　the　area　of　her　shame。　And　Florence；　who　was　beautiful　but　did　not　look　with　favoron　any　of　the　black　men　who　lusted　after　her；　not　wishing　to　exchange　her　mother’s　cabin　for　oneof　theirs　and　to　raise　their　children　and　so　go　down；　toil…blasted；　into；　as　it　were；　a　mon　grave；reinforced　in　Deborah　the　terrible　belief　against　which　evidence　had　ever　presented　itself：　that　allmen　were　like　this；　their　thoughts　rose　no　higher；　and　they　lived　only　to　gratify　on　the　bodies　ofwomen　their　brutal　and　humiliating　needs。
　　One　Sunday　at　a　camp…meeting；　when　Gabriel　was　twelve　years　old　and　was　to　be　baptized；Deborah　and　Florence　stood　on　the　banks　of　a　river　along　with　all　the　other　folks　and　watched　him。
　　Gabriel　had　not　wished　to　be　baptized。　The　thought　had　frightened　and　angered　him；　but　hismother　insisted　that　Gabriel　was　now　of　an　age　to　be　responsible　before　God　for　his　sins—shewould　not　shirk　the　duty；　laid　on　her　by　the　Lord；　of　doing　everything　within　he　power　to　bringhim　to　the　throne　of　grace。　On　the　banks　of　a　river；　under　the　violent　light　of　noon；　confessedbelievers　and　children　of　Gabriel’s　age　waited　to　be　led　into　the　water。　Standing　out；　waist…deepand　robed　in　white；　was　the　preacher；　who　would　hold　their　heads　briefly　under　the　water；　cryingout　to　Heaven　as　the　baptized　held　his　breath：　‘I　indeed　have　baptized　you　with　water：　but　He　shallbaptize　you　with　the　Holy　Ghost。’　Then；　as　they　rose　sputtering　and　blinded　and　were　led　to　theshore；　he　cried　out　again：　‘Go　thou　and　sin　no　more。’　They　came　up　from　the　water；　visibly　underthe　power　of　the　Lord；　and　on　the　shore　the　saints　awaited　them；　beating　their　tambourines。
　　Standing　bear　the　shore　were　the　elders　of　the　church；　holding　towels　with　which　to　cover　thenewly　baptized；　who　were　then　led　into　the　tents；　one　for　either　sex；　where　they　could　change　theirclothes。
　　At　last；　Gabriel；　dressed　in　an　old　white　shirt　and　short　linen　pants；　stood　on　the　edge　of　thewater。　Then　he　was　slowly　led　into　the　river；　where　he　had　so　often　splashed　naked；　until　hereached　the　preacher。　And　the　moment　that　the　preacher　threw　him　down；　crying　out　the　words　ofJohn　the　Baptist；　Gabriel　began　to　kick　and　sputter；　nearly　throwing　the　preacher　off　balance；　andthough　at　first　they　thought　that　it　was　the　power　of　the　Lord　that　worked　in　him；　they　realized　ashe　rose；　still　kicking　and　with　his　eyes　tightly　shut；　that　it　was　only　fury；　and　too　much　water　in　hisnose。　Some　folks　smiled；　but　Florence　and　Deborah　did　not　smile。　Though　Florence　had　also　been　indignant；　years　before　when　the　slimy　water　entered　her　incautiously　open　mouth；　she　had　doneher　best　not　to　sputter；　and　she　had　not　cried　out。　But　now；　here　came　Gabriel；　floundering　andfurious　up　the　bank；　and　what　she　looked　at；　with　an　anger　more　violent　than　any　she　had　feltbefore；　was　his　nakedness。　He　was　drenched；　and　his　thin；　white　clothes　clung　like　another　skin　tohis　black　body。　Florence　and　Deborah　looked　at　one　another；　while　the　singing　rose　to　coverGabriel’s　howling；　and　Deborah　looked　away。
　　Years　later；　Deborah　and　Florence　had　stood　on　Deborah’s　porch　at　night　and　watched　avomit…covered　Gabriel　stagger　up　the　moonlight　road；　and　Florence　had　cried　out：　‘I　hate　him！　Ihate　him！　Big；　black；　prancing　tomcat　of　a　nigger！’　And　Deborah　had　said；　in　that　heavy　voice　ofhers：　‘You　know；　honey；　the　Word　tell　us　to　hate　the　sin　but　not　the　sinner。’
　　In　nieen　hundred；　when　she　was　twenty…six；　Florence　walked　out　through　the　cabindoor。　She　had　thought　to　wait　until　her　mother；　who　was　so　ill　now　that　she　no　longer　stirred　out　ofbed；　should　be　buried—but　suddenly　she　knew　that　she　would　wait　no　longer；　the　time　had　e。
　　She　had　been　working　as　cook　and　serving…girl　for　a　large　white　family　in　town；　and　it　was　on　theday　her　master　proposed　that　she　bee　his　concubine　that　she　knew　her　life　among　thesewretched　people　had　e　to　its　destined　end。　She　left　her　employment　that　same　day　（leavingbehind　her　a　most　vehement　conjugal　bitterness）；　and　with　part　of　the　money　that　with　cunning；cruelty；　and　sacrifice　she　had　saved　over　a　period　of　years；　bought　a　railroad　ticket　to　New　York。
　　When　she　bout　it；　in　a　kind　of　scarlet　rage；　she　held　like　a　talisman　at　the　back　of　her　mind　thethought：　‘I　can　give　it　back；　I　can　sell　it。　This　don’t　mean　I　got　to　go。’　But　she　knew　that　nothingcould　stop　her。
　　And　it　was　this　leave…taking　that　came　to　stand；　in　Florence’s　latter　days；　and　with　othermany　witness；　at　her　bedside。　Gray　clouds　obscured　the　sun　that　day；　and　outside　the　cabin　windowshe　saw　that　mist　still　covered　the　ground。　Her　mother　lay　in　bed；　awake；　she　was　pleading　withGabriel；　who　had　been　out　drinking　the　night　before；　and　who　was　not　really　sober　now；　to　mendhis　ways　and　e　to　the　Lord。　And　Gabriel；　full　of　the　confusion；　and　pain；　and　guilt　that　were　hiswhenever　he　thought　of　how　he　made　his　mother　suffer；　but　that　became　nearly　insupportablewhen　she　taxed　him　with　it；　stood　before　the　mirror；　head　bowed；　buttoning　his　shirt。　Florenceknew　that　he　could　not　unlock　his　lips　to　speak；　he　could　not　say　yes　to　his　mother；　and　to　theLord；　and　he　could　not　say　no。
　　‘Honey；’　their　mother　was　saying；　‘don’t　you　let　your　old　mother　die　without　you　look　herin　the　eye　and　tell　her　she　going　to　see　you　in　glory。　You　hear　me；　boy？’
　　In　a　moment；　Florence　thought　with　scorn；　tears　would　fill　his　eyes；　and　he　would　promiseto　‘do　better。’　He　had　been　promising　to　‘do　better’　since　the　day　he　had　been　baptized。
　　She　put　down　her　bag　in　the　center　of　the　hateful　room。
　　‘Ma；’　she　said；　‘I’m　going。　I’m　a…going　this　morning。’
　　Now　that　she　had　said　it；　she　was　angry　with　herself　for　not　having