高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain-第11章

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　　Florence　raised　her　voice　in　the　only　song　she　could　remember　that　her　mother　used　to　sing：
　　‘It’s　me；　it’s　me；　it’s　me；　oh；　Lord；　Standing　in　the　need　of　prayer。’
　　Gabriel　turned　to　stare　at　her；　in　astonished　triumph　that　his　sister　should　at　last　behumbled。　She　did　not　look　at　him。　Her　thoughts　were　all　on　God。　After　a　moment；　the　congregationand　the　piano　joined　her：
　　‘Not　my　father；　not　my　motherBut　it’s　me；　oh；　Lord。’
　　She　knew　that　Gabriel　rejoiced；　not　that　her　humility　might　lead　her　to　grace；　but　only　thatsome　private　anguish　had　brought　her　low：　her　songs　revealed　that　she　was　suffering；　and　this　herbrother　was　glad　to　see。　This　had　always　been　his　spirit。　Nothing　had　ever　changed　it；　nothing　everwould。　For　a　moment　her　pride　stood　up；　the　resolution　that　had　brought　her　to　this　place　to…nightfaltered；　and　she　felt　that　if　Gabriel　was　the　Lord’s　anointed；　she　would　rather　die　and　endure　Hellfor　all　eternity　than　bow　before　His　altar。　But　she　strangled　her　pride；　rising　to　stand　with　them　inthe　holy　space　before　the　altar；　and　still　singing：
　　‘Standing　in　the　need　of　prayer。’
　　Kneeling　as　she　had　not　knelt　for　many　years；　and　in　this　pany　before　the　altar；　shegained　again　from　the　song　the　meaning　it　had　held　for　her　mother；　and　gained　a　new　meaning　forherself。　As　a　child；　the　song　had　made　her　see　a　woman；　dressed　in　black；　standing　in　infinite　mistsalone；　waiting　for　the　form　of　the　Son　of　God　to　lead　her　through　the　white　fire。　This　woman　nowreturned　to　her；　more　desolate；　it　was　herself；　not　knowing　where　to　put　her　foot；　she　waitedtrembling；　for　the　mists　to　be　parted　that　she　might　walk　in　peace。　That　long　road；　her　life；　whichshe　had　followed　for　sixty　groaning　years；　had　led　her　at　last　to　her　mother’s　starting…place；　thealtar　of　the　Lord。　For　her　feet　stood　on　the　edge　of　that　river　which　her　mother；　rejoicing；　hadcrossed　over。　And　would　the　Lord　now　reach　out　His　hand　to　Florence　and　heal　and　save？　But；going　down　before　the　scarlet　cloth　at　the　foot　of　the　golden　cross；　it　came　to　her　that　she　hadforgotten　how　to　pray。
　　Her　mother　has　taught　her　that　the　way　to　pray　was　to　forget　everything　and　everyone　butJesus；　to　pour　out　of　the　heart；　like　water　from　a　bucket；　all　evil　thoughts；　all　thoughts　of　self；　allmalice　for　one’s　enemies；　to　e　boldly；　and　yet　more　humbly　than　the　little　child；　before　theGiver　of　all　good　things。　Yet；　in　Florence’s　heart　to…night　hatred　and　bitterness　weighed　likegranite；　pride　refused　to　abdicate　from　the　throne　it　had　held　so　long。　Neither　love　nor　humility　hadled　her　to　the　altar；　but　only　fear。　And　God　did　not　hear　the　prayers　of　the　fearful；　for　the　hearts　ofthe　fearful　held　no　belief。　Such　prayers　could　rise　no　higher　that　the　lips　that　uttered　them。
　　Around　her　she　heard　the　saints’　voices；　a　steady；　charged　murmur；　with　now　and　again　thename　of　Jesus　rising　above；　sometimes　like　the　swift　rising　of　a　bird　into　the　air　of　a　sunny　day；　sometimes　like　the　slow　rising　of　the　mist　from　swamp　ground。　Was　this　the　way　to　pray？　In　thechurch　that　she　had　joined　when　she　first　came　North　one　knelt　before　the　altar　once　only；　in　thebeginning；　to　ask　for　forgiveness　of　sins；　and　this　acplished；　one　was　baptized　and　became　aChristian；　to　kneel　no　more　thereafter。　Even　if　the　Lord　should　lay　some　great　burden　on　one’sback—as　He　has　done；　but　never　so　heavy　a　burden　as　this　she　carried　now—one　prayed　in　silence。
　　It　was　indecent；　the　practice　of　mon　niggers　to　cry　aloud　at　the　foot　of　the　altar；　tears　streamingfor　all　the　world　to　see。　She　had　never　done　it；　not　even　as　a　girl　down　home　in　the　church　they　hadgone　to　in　those　days。　Now　perhaps　it　was　too　late；　and　the　Lord　would　suffer　her　to　die　in　thedarkness　in　which　she　had　lived　so　long。
　　In　the　olden　days　God　had　healed　His　children。　He　had　caused　the　blind　to　see；　the　lame　towalk；　and　He　had　raised　dead　men　from　the　grave。　But　Florence　remembered　one　phrase；　whichnow　she　muttered　against　the　knuckles　that　bruised　her　lips：　‘Lord；　help　my　unbelief。’
　　For　the　message　had　e　to　Florence　that　had　e　to　Hezekiah：　Set　thine　house　in　order；for　thou　shalt　die　and　not　live。　Many　nights　ago；　as　she　turned　on　her　bed；　this　message　came　toher。　For　many　days　and　nights　the　message　was　repeated；　there　had　been　time；　then；　to　turn　to　God。
　　But　she　had　thought　to　evade　him；　seeking　among　the　women　she　knew　for　remedies；　and　then；because　the　pain　increased；　she　had　sought　doctors；　and　when　the　doctors　did　no　good　she　hadclimbed　stairs　all　over　town　to　rooms　where　incense　burned　and　where　men　or　women　in　trafficwith　the　devil　gave　her　white　powders；　or　herbs　to　make　tea；　and　cast　spells　upon　her　to　take　thesickness　away。　The　burning　in　her　bowels　did　not　cease—that　burning　which；　eating　inward；　tookthe　flesh　visibly　from　her　bones　and　caused　her　to　vomit　up　her　food。　Then　one　night　she　founddeath　standing　in　the　room。　Blacker　than　night；　and　gigantic；　he　filled　one　corner　of　her　narrowroom；　watching　her　with　eyes　like　the　eyes　of　a　serpent　when　his　head　is　lifted　to　strike。　Then　shescreamed　and　called　on　God；　turning　on　the　light。　And　death　departed；　but　she　knew　he　would　beback。　Every　night　would　bring　him　a　little　closer　to　her　bed。
　　And　after　death’s　first　silent　vigil　her　life　came　to　her　bedside　to　curse　her　with　manyvoices。　Her　mother；　in　rotting　rags　filling　the　room　with　the　stink　of　the　grave；　stood　over　her　tocurse　the　daughter　who　had　denied　her　on　her　deathbed。　Gabriel　came；　from　all　his　times　and　ages；to　curse　the　sister　who　had　held　him　to　scorn　and　mocked　his　ministry。　Deborah；　black；　her　body　asshapeless　and　hard　as　iron；　looked　on　with　veiled；　triumphant　eyes；　cursing　the　Florence　who　hadmocked　her　in　her　pain　and　barrenness。　Frank　came；　even　he；　with　that　same　smile；　the　same　tilt　ofhis　head。　Of　them　all　she　would　have　begged　forgiveness；　had　they　e　with　ears　to　hear。　Butthey　came　like　many　trumpets；　even　if　they　had　e　to　hear　and　not　to　testify　it　was　not　they　whocould　forgive　her；　but　only　God。
　　The　piano　had　stopped。　All　around　her　now　were　only　the　voices　of　the　saints。
　　‘Dear　Father’—it　was　her　mother　praying—‘we　e　before　You　on　our　knees　this　evening　to　askYou　to　watch　over　us　and　hold　back　the　hand　of　the　destroying　angel。　Lord；　sprinkle　the　doorpostof　this　house　with　the　blood　of　the　Lamb　to　keep　all　the　wicked　men　away；　Lord；　we　praying　forevery　mother’s　son　and　daughter　everywhere　in　the　world　but　we　want　You　to　take　special　care　of　this　girl　here　to…night；　Lord；　and　don’t　let　no　evil　e　nigh　her。　We　know　you’s　able　to　do　it；Lord；　in　Jesus’　name；　Amen。’
　　This　was　the　first　prayer　Florence　heard；　the　only　prayer　she　was　ever　to　hear　in　which　hermother　demanded　the　protection　of　God　more　passionately　for　her　daughter　than　she　demanded　itfor　her　son。　It　was　night；　the　windows　were　shut　tightly　with　the　shades　drawn；　and　the　great　tablewas　pushed　against　the　door。　The　kerosene　lamps　burned　low　and　made　great　shadows　on　thenewspaper…covered　wall。　Her　mother；　dressed　in　the　long；　shapeless；　colorless　dress　that　she　boreevery　day　but　Sunday；　when　she　wore　white；　and　with　her　head　tied　up　in　a　scarlet　cloth；　knelt　inthe　center　of　the　room；　her　hands　hanging　loosely　folded　before　her；　her　black　face　lifted；　her　eyesshut。　The　weak；　unsteady　light　placed　shadows　under　her　mouth　and　in　the　sockets　of　her　eyes；making　the　face　impersonal　with　majesty；　like　the　face　of　a　prophetess；　or　like　a　mask。　Silencefilled　the　room　after　her　‘Amen；’　and　in　the　silence　they　heard；　far　up　the　road；　the　sound　of　ahorse’s　hoofs。　No　one　moved。　Gabriel；　from　his　corner　near　the　stove；　looked　up　and　watched　hismother。
　　‘I　ain’t　afraid；’　said　Gabriel。
　　His　mother　turned；　one　hand　raised。　‘You　hush；　now！’
　　Trouble　had　taken　place　in　town　to…day。　Their　neighbor　Deborah；　who　was　sixteen；　threeyears　older　than　Florence；　had　been　taken　away　into　the　fields　the　night　before　by　many　white　men；where　they　did　things　to　her　to　make　her　cry　and　bleed。　To…day；　Deborah’s　father　had　gone　to　oneof　the　white　men’s　house；　and　said　that　he　would　kill　him　and　all　the　other　white　men　he　couldfind。　They　had　beaten　him　and　left　him　for　dead。　Now；　everyone　had　shut　the