new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第35章
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someone with a stronger stomach。 Someone who laughs at the gore that makes
weaker men vomit。〃
〃I'll keep my eyes open for someone like that。〃
We were all alone in the hallway。 Both theaters were halfway through the
movie； and it was
deserted—quiet enough for us to hear the popcorn popping at the concession
counter in the lobby。
Jacob went to sit on the velveteen…upholstered bench against the wall； patting
the space beside him。
〃He sounded like he was going to be in there for a while；〃 he said； stretching
his long legs out in front of
him as he settled in to wait。
I joined him with a sigh。 He looked like he was thinking about blurring more
lines。 Sure enough； as soon
as I sat down； he shifted over to put his arm around my shoulders。
〃Jake；〃 I protested； leaning away。 He dropped his arm； not looking bothered at
all by the minor rejection。
He reached out and took my hand firmly； wrapping his other hand around my
wrist when I tried to pull
away again。 Where did he get the confidence from？
〃Now； just hold on a minute； Bella；〃 he said in a calm voice。 〃Tell me
something。〃
I grimaced。 I didn't want to do this。 Not just not now； but not ever。 There
was nothing lett in my life at
this point that was more important than Jacob Black。 But he seemed determined
to ruin everything。
〃What？〃 I muttered sourly。
〃You like me； right？〃
〃You know I do。〃
〃Better than that joker puking his guts out in there？〃 He gestured toward the
bathroom door。
〃Yes；〃 I sighed。
〃Better than any of the other guys you know？〃 He was calm； serene—as if my
answer didn't matter； or
he already knew what it was。
〃Better than the girls； too；〃 I pointed out。
〃But that's all；〃 he said； and it wasn't a question。
It was hard to answer； to say the word。 Would he get hurt and avoid me？ How
would I stand that？
〃Yes；〃 I whispered。
He grinned down at me。 〃That's okay； you know。 As long as you like me the
best。 And you think I'm
good…looking—sort of。 I'm prepared to be annoyingly persistent。〃
〃I'm not going to change；〃 I said； and though I tried to keep my voice normal；
I could hear the sadness in
it。
His face was thoughtful； no longer teasing。 〃It's still the other one； isn't
it？〃
I cringed。 Funny how he seemed to know not to say the name—just like before
in the car with the music。
He picked up on so much about me that I never said。
〃You don't have to talk about it；〃 he told me。
I nodded； grateful。
〃But don't get mad at me for hanging around； okay？〃 Jacob patted the back of
my hand。 〃Because I'm
not giving up。 I've got loads of time。〃
I sighed。 〃You shouldn't waste it on me；〃 I said； though I wanted him to。
Especially if he was willing to
accept me the way I was—damaged goods； as is。
〃It's what I want to do； as long as you still like to be with me。〃
〃I can't imagine how I could not like being with you；〃 I told him honestly。
Jacob beamed。 〃I can live with that。〃
〃Just don't expect more；〃 I warned him； trying to pull my hand away。 He held
onto it obstinately。
〃This doesn't really bother you； does it？〃 he demanded； squeezing my fingers。
〃No；〃 I sighed。 Truthfully； it felt nice。 His hand was so much warmer than
mine； I always felt too cold
these days。
〃And you don't care what he thinks。〃 Jacob jerked his thumb toward the
bathroom。
〃I guess not。〃
〃So what's the problem？〃
〃The problem；〃 I said； 〃is； that it means something different to me than it
does to you。〃
〃Well。〃 He tightened his hand around mine 〃That's my problem； isn't it？〃
〃Fine；〃 I grumbled。 〃Don't forget it； though。〃
〃I won't。 The pin's out of the grenade for me； now； eh？〃 He poked me in the
ribs。
I rolled my eyes。 I guess if he felt like making a joke out of it； he was
entitled。
He chuckled quietly for a minute while his pinky finger absently traced
designs against the side of my
hand。
〃That's a funny scar you've got there；〃 he suddenly said； twisting my hand to
examine it。 〃How did that
happen？〃
The index finger of his free hand followed the line of the long silvery
crescent that was barely visible
against my pale skin。
I scowled。 〃Do you honestly expect me to remember where all my scars e
from？〃
I waited for the memory to hit—to open the gaping hole。 But； as it so often
did； Jacob's presence kept
me whole。
〃It's cold；〃 he murmured； pressing lightly against the place where James had
cut me with his teeth。
And then Mike stumbled out of the bathroom； his face ashen and covered in
sweat。 He looked horrible。
〃Oh； Mike；〃 I gasped。
〃Do you mind leaving early？〃 he whispered。
〃No； of course not。〃 I pulled my hand free and went to help Mike walk。 He
looked unsteady。
〃Movie too much for you？〃 Jacob asked heartlessly。
Mike's glare was malevolent。 〃I didn't actually see any of it；〃 he mumbled。 〃I
was nauseated before the
lights went down。〃
〃Why didn't you say something？〃 I scolded as we staggered toward the exit。
〃I was hoping it would pass；〃 he said。
〃Just a sec；〃 Jacob said as we reached the door。 He walked quickly back to the
concession stand。
〃Could I have an empty popcorn bucket？〃 he asked the salesgirl。 She looked at
Mike once； and then
thrust a bucket at Jacob。
〃Get him outside； please；〃 she begged。 She was obviously the one who would
have to clean the floor。
I towed Mike out into the cool； wet air。 He inhaled deeply。 Jacob was right
behind us。 He helped me get
Mike into the back of the car； and handed him the bucket with a serious gaze。
〃Please；〃 was all Jacob said。
We rolled down the windows； letting the icy night air blow through the car；
hoping it would help Mike。 I
curled my arms around my legs to keep warm。
〃Cold； again？〃 Jacob asked； putting his arm around me before I could answer。
〃You're not？〃
He shook his head。
〃You must have a fever or something；〃 I grumbled。 It was freezing。 I touched
my fingers to his forehead；
and his head was hot。
〃Whoa； Jake—you're burning up！〃
〃I feel fine。〃 He shrugged。 〃Fit as a fiddle。〃
I frowned and touched his head again。 His skin blazed under my fingers。
〃Your hands are like ice；〃 he plained。
〃Maybe it's me；〃 I allowed。
Mike groaned in the backseat； and threw up in the bucket。 I grimaced； hoping
my own stomach could
stand the sound and smell。 Jacob checked anxiously over his shoulder to make
sure his car wasn't
defiled。
The road felt longer on the way back。
Jacob was quiet； thoughtful。 He left his arm around me； and it was so warm
that the cold wind felt good。
I stared out the windshield； consumed with guilt。
It was so wrong to encourage Jacob。 Pure selfishness。 It didn't matter that
I'd tried to make my position
clear。 If he felt any hope at all that this could turn into something other
than friendship； then I hadn't been
clear enough。
How could I explain so that he would understand？ I was an empty shell。 Like a
vacant
house—condemned—for months I'd been utterly uninhabitable。 Now I was a
little improved。 The front
room was in better repair。 But that was all—just the one small piece。 He
deserved better than
that—better than a one…room； falling…down fixer…upper。 No amount of
investment on his part could put
me back in working order。
Yet I knew that I wouldn't send him away； regardless。 I needed him too much；
and I was selfish。 Maybe
I could make my side more clear； so that he would know to leave me。 The
thought made me shudder；
and Jacob tightened his arm around me。
I drove Mike home in his Suburban； while Jacob followed behind us to take me
home。 Jacob was quiet
all the way back to my house； and I wondered if he were thinking the same
things that I was。 Maybe he
was changing his mind。
〃I would invite myself in； since we're early；〃 he said as we pulled up next to
my truck。 〃But I think you
might be right about the fever。 I'm starting to feel a little strange。〃
〃Oh no； not you； too！ Do you want me to drive you home？〃
〃No。〃 He shook his head； his eyebrows pulling together。 〃I don't feel sick
yet。 Just wrong。 If I have to；
I'll pull over。〃
〃Will you call me as soon as you get in？〃 I asked anxiously。
〃Sure； sure。〃 He frowned； staring ahead into the da
