new moon(暮光之城-新月英文版)-第12章
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After school； Edward walked me back to the parking lot in silence。 I had to
work again； and for once； I
was glad。 Time with me obviously wasn't helping things。 Maybe time alone would
be better。
I dropped my film off at the Thriftway on my way to Newton's； and then picked
up the developed
pictures after work。 At home； I said a brief hi to Charlie； grabbed a granola
bar from the kitchen； and
hurried up to my room with the envelope of photographs tucked under my arm。
I sat in the middle of my bed and opened the envelope with wary curiosity。
Ridiculously； I still half
expected the first print to be a blank。
When I pulled it out； I gasped aloud。 Edward looked just as beautiful as he
did in real life； staring at me
out of the picture with the warm eyes I'd missed for the past few days。 It was
almost uncanny that anyone
could look so so beyond description。 No thousand words could equal this
picture。
I flipped through the rest of the stack quickly once； and then laid three of
them out on the bed side by
side。
The first was the picture of Edward in the kitchen； his warm eyes touched with
tolerant amusement。 The
second was Edward and Charlie； watching ESPN。 The difference in Edward's
expression was severe。
His eyes were careful here； reserved。 Still breathtakingly beautiful； but his
face was colder； more like a
sculpture； less alive。
The last was the picture of Edward and me standing awkwardly side by side。
Edward's face was the
same as the last； cold and statue…like。 But that wasn't the most troubling
part of this photograph。 The
contrast between the two of us was painful。 He looked like a god。 I looked
very average； even for a
human； almost shamefully plain。 I flipped the picture over with a feeling of
disgust。
Instead of doing my homework； I stayed up to put my pictures into the album。
With a ballpoint pen I
scrawled captions under all the pictures； the names and the dates。 I got to
the picture of Edward and me；
and； without looking at it too long； I folded it in half and stuck it under
the metal tab； Edward…side up。
When I was done； I stuffed the second set of prints in a fresh envelope and
penned a long thank…you
letter to Renee。
Edward still hadn't e over。 I didn't want to admit that he was the reason
I'd stayed up so late； but of
course he was。 I tried to remember the last time he'd stayed away like this；
without an excuse； a phone
call He never had。
Again； I didn't sleep well。
School followed the silent； frustrating； terrifying pattern of the last two
days。 I felt relief when I saw
Edward waiting for me in the parking lot； but it faded quickly。 He was no
different； unless maybe more
remote。
It was hard to even remember the reason for all this mess。 My birthday already
felt like the distant past。 If
only Alice would e back。 Soon。 Before this got any more out of hand。
But I couldn't count on that。 I decided that； if I couldn't talk to him today；
really talk； then I was going to
see Carlisle tomorrow。 I had to do something。
After school； Edward and I were going to talk it out； I promised myself。 I
wasn't accepting any excuses。
He walked me to my truck； and I steeled myself to make my demands。
〃Do you mind if I e over today？〃 he asked before we got to the truck；
beating me to the punch。
〃Of course not。〃
〃Now？〃 he asked again； opening my door for me。
〃Sure；〃 I kept my voice even； though I didn't like the urgency in his tone。 〃I
was just going to drop a letter
for Renee in the mailbox on the way。 I'll meet you there。〃
He looked at the fat envelope on the passenger seat。 Suddenly； he reached over
me and snagged it。
〃I'll do it；〃 he said quietly。 〃And I'll still beat you there。〃 He smiled my
favorite crooked smile； but it was
wrong。 It didn't reach his eyes。
〃Okay；〃 I agreed； unable to smile back。 He shut the door； and headed toward
his car。
He did beat me home。 He was parked in Charlie's spot when I pulled up in front
of the house。 That was
a bad sign。 He didn't plan to stay； then。 I shook my head and took a deep
breath； trying to locate some
courage。
He got out of his car when I stepped out of the truck； and came to meet me。 He
reached to take my
book bag from me。 That was normal。 But he shoved it back onto the seat。 That
was not normal。
〃e for a walk with me；〃 he suggested in an unemotional voice； taking my
hand。
I didn't answer。 I couldn't think of a way to protest； but I instantly knew
that I wanted to。 I didn't like
this。 This is bad； this is very bad； the voice in my head repeated again and
again。
But he didn't wait for an answer。 He pulled me along toward the east side of
the yard； where the forest
encroached。 I followed unwillingly； trying to think through the panic。 It was
what I wanted； I reminded
myself。 The chance to talk it all through。 So why was the panic choking me？
We'd gone only a few steps into the trees when he stopped。 We were barely on
the trail—I could still
see the house。
Some walk。
Edward leaned against a tree and stared at me； his expression unreadable。
〃Okay； let's talk；〃 I said。 It sounded braver than it felt。
He took a deep breath。
〃Bella； we're leaving。〃
I took a deep breath； too。 This was an acceptable option。 I thought I was
prepared。 But I still had to ask。
〃Why now？ Another year—〃
〃Bella； it's time。 How much longer could we stay in Forks； after all？ Carlisle
can barely pass for thirty；
and he's claiming thirty…three now。 We'd have to start over soon regardless。〃
His answer confused me。 I thought the point of leaving was to let his family
live in peace。 Why did we
have to leave if they were going？ I stared at him； trying to understand what
he meant。
He stared back coldly。
With a roll of nausea； I realized I'd misunderstood。
〃When you say we—；〃 I whispered。
〃I mean my family and myself。〃 Each word separate and distinct。
I shook my head back and forth mechanically； trying to clear it。 He waited
without any sign of
impatience。 It took a few minutes before I could speak。
〃Okay；〃 I said。 〃I'll e with you。〃
〃You can't； Bella。 Where we're going It's not the right place for you。〃
〃Where you are is the right place for me。〃
〃I'm no good for you； Bella。〃
〃Don't be ridiculous。〃 I wanted to sound angry； but it just sounded like I was
begging。 〃You're the very
best part of my life。〃
〃My world is not for you；〃 he said grimly。
〃What happened with Jasper—that was nothing； Edward！ Nothing！〃
〃You're right；〃 he agreed。 〃It was exactly what was to be expected。〃
〃You promised！ In Phoenix； you promised that you would stay—〃
〃As long as that was best for you；〃 he interrupted to correct me。
〃No！ This is about my soul； isn't it？〃 I shouted； furious； the words exploding
out of me—somehow it still
sounded like a plea。 〃Carlisle told me about that； and I don't care； Edward。 I
don't care！ You can have
my soul。 I don't want it without you—it's yours already！〃
He took a deep breath and stared； unseeingly； at the ground for a long moment。
His mouth twisted the
tiniest bit。 When he finally looked up； his eyes were different； harder—like
the liquid gold had frozen
solid。
〃Bella； I don't want you to e with me。〃 He spoke the words slowly and
precisely； his cold eyes on
my face； watching as I absorbed what he was really saying。
There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times； sifting
through them for their real
intent。
〃You don't want me？〃 I tried out the words； confused by the way they
sounded； placed in that
order。
〃No。〃
I stared； unprehending； into his eyes。 He stared back without apology。 His
eyes were like
topaz—hard and clear and very deep。 I felt like I could see into them for
miles and miles； yet nowhere in
rheir bottomless depths could I see a contradiction to the word he'd spoken。
〃Well； that changes things。〃 I was surprised by how calm and reasonable my
voice sounded。 It must be
because I was so numb。 I couldn't realize what he was telling me。 It still
didn't make any sense。
He looked away into the trees as he spoke again。 〃Of course； I'll always love
you in a way。 But what
happened t
